Almost a YEAR ...

It has been almost a year since my last post and sadly not a lot has changed ... I am hovering around 285lbs!  I have been having a HUGE issue with stuck episodes and vomiting because of them.

Sometimes when these stuck episodes happen, more frequently, you are forced into the habit of what is called maladaptive eating; when you turn away from the good solid proteins and eat more of the softer mushy type goods that go down easier. Satiety decreases and therefore I was hungry more often and eatting the foods that weren't so good for me.

Because of all of this I was sent for a small adjustment to remove some liquid.  This should help me get back to normal eating habits.  I really, really, hope it does help me because I so want to lose more weight, get healthier, and do more with my precious little girl.

**On a side note I can not believe my daughter is almost 20 months old already!! Look at the difference in her!!!

Starting Over ... Making Some Hard Changes

A change has been needed for a while. I just couldn't seem to find out how to do it.  I have been noticing for a while that my jeans aren't feeling the same as they had been, and not for the better. I have always had a love hate relationship with jeans. They were never comfortable on me due to my weight, So when I lost some of this weight I noticed they started to fit better.  I used to have to pull them down all the time to cover my ankles because my calves are so large but as the weight started to come off I had to do this less and less.  Sadly over the last month or so I noticed myself doing this almost every single time I put my jeans on.

So on Nov 24 I decided I really needed to start controlling what I eat again.  I really hadn't done this since I found out I was pregnant. I had been eating everything I wanted, without ever thinking about the calories and consequences.  This needed to stop.  I hadn't written down what I had eaten since I got pregnant, and as such, was able to deny very easily how badly I was eating.

Not only was I denying how much I was eating to myself I was also lying about it to everyone else, even Colin.  I never lie to him about anything, but I was. I would go out with friends and eat at BK and then tell him I didn't eat out. Or when I would go out for a coffee I wouldn't tell him I also bought 2 cookies.  It was getting so that I was sneaking food all over again. Something I swore I would never do.

It will STOP ... it has to STOP ... but it will take a LOT of effort each and every day!

Back To The Grind But Still Standing Still

Well a lot has been going on lately and I fell a little off with it all.  I started back to work on Sept 2 and I am so happy to be back to work.  No that is not sarcastic either.  I like the routine and I also like the chaos at the same time.  As much as I wish I could spend every waking moment with Ahnika I know that just isn't feasible at all.  Everyone said it was going to be a huge change going back to work and it was/is.  I now have a brand new routine above and beyond my normal daily activities because of Ahnika but I wouldn't trade it.  My days are hectic that's for sure but I do love it.  I just wish I could get back on track with life.

While I was on maternity leave, which flew by so very fast, I was definitely not eating properly at all.  I would just eat whenever/whatever I felt like it, and that made my weight end up getting very erratic.  I would lose 4lbs one week and gain that and then some back the next week.  In getting back to work I was hoping that I would get back on track but really that hasn't completely happened.  I am still eating way too much and too often.  I know now it is a conscious effort that has to take place on my part but I am finding it so hard to make it.

I know that if I was to write everything down that I eat in the run of a day every day I would start to become more accountable again but again it takes a conscious effort that I don't seem to be putting in for some reason.

There are times I think that I am not making this conscious effort because I obtained the unobtainable in my life by just getting to my current weight and that is an absolutely gorgeous baby girl who is growing like a weed. But I need to keep reminding myself that I didn't get the surgery to solely have a child.  I had the surgery and changed my life so that I would be around for that child for the rest of her life and if I keep getting stuck at this weight I am not going to be there for her.

I need to go back to square one in this lifestyle change I started on Sept 26, 2012 but I find it so hard to make that change.  I will never deny that I love food and everything about it and because of that giving things up that I enjoy is hard.  Even though I know that ultimately they could hurt my journey.

Today I have made a small change and that is writing everything I have eaten down.  That includes the tea I just had delivered.  I am hoping that if I can get back into writing down everything I eat as well as keeping back up with this blog I might hit my next goal of being at/below 250lbs.

Starting Again ...

Ahnika is now just over 2 months old and I am struggling with my weight.  I lost almost all of my pregnancy weight and then gained some back.  I haven't been getting out to walk nearly as much as I wanted, and sadly my treadmill is buried yet again.  I have also been eating the wrong types of food as well as the wrong quantity so as of Monday I am back on track!

I have started logging my food again, and I made sure I tailored the program (MyFitnessPal) to be what they suggested at the WeightLoss Clinic. I am really hoping to get back on track because I was sneaking closer and closer to that 300lb mark again and it made me sad and scared.

I celebrated my first Mother's Day on Sunday and that is what really got me thinking about making the changes to get back on track.  I don't want my little girl to ever have this worry, I want her to see what a healthy lifestyle is from day one and if I don't make sure I make the changes back to the healthy life style I will not only be hurting myself but her as well.

I vow to be a healthier woman next Mother's Day not just for me but for my gorgeous little girl!

Introducing Ahnika Mae Adams!!

Now that I have a few minutes to sit down I would like to introduce my new little girl Ahnika Mae.  Her birth story was definitely not one I ever thought I would experience but here it is.

On Wednesday March 5 I was scheduled for a gel induction at 8:30am so Colin and I got to the hospital at 8am and I was feeling no difference than my last doctors appointment which was March 3.  At the last doctors appointment I was 1cm dilated but the baby had actually moved back up instead of down. 

At the hospital on March 5 I got checked right away and was told I actually dilated to 3cm and the baby had dropped for sure. They said let's forget the gel and instead start pitocin drip. I was surprised that we would go to that right away mainly because I had my self worked up to get gelled and then have 6hours before anything else was decided.  At 10am they started me an the drip and almost immediately I started to feel the pressure of the first contractions, however, they were definitely not hard to deal with at all.  They were coming regularly  but I was able to talk through them all without any real issue.  Sadly because I was on the drip I was also hooked up to monitors all the time and unable to do anything except stay in bed.  By noon my contractions were one right on top of the other without much of a break to be seen.  But the nurses were not happy with how the read out looked and checked me.  I hadn't dilated any further.  They left me on the drip for another 2 hours and the doctor showed up and said she didn't like the look of the read outs either and although I was contracting regularly our little miss was not tolerating them very well.   

She went ahead and decided to break my water. I was so shocked at the drastic change in my contractions.  They went from pressure only and even though it was constant I was tolerating it to constant pain.  I was getting no breaks at all and the pain just kept getting worse and worse.  At 3:30 the doctor came back, checked and still didn't like the look of the baby's readout nor the fact that I still hadn't dilated any further so said she was sorry but we would have to start the process of a c-section for the safety of myself and the baby.

By 4:50pm I was in the OR with my spinal being put in.  I was so relieved to not feel the contractions any more I ended up getting pretty emotional.  DH was brought in and he sat down and within 5 minutes miss Ahnika Mae was born.  I didn't even realize what was happening until they brought her over all bundled up.  The precious look on my husbands face when he looked at our beautiful little girl was worth everything I had been through that day. 

Although we did not expect the c-section it was definitely well worth it.  I did not have a traditional section though because I have had previous surgeries.  So instead of the horizontal incision done I was given a vertical incision and I have to say I have had almost ZERO pain from it. I would have been released from the hospital on Saturday, however, our little miss had a slight case of jaundice so we were not discharged until Sunday March 9.

So I am finally home with my amazing family. Ahnika Mae was born at 5:20pm March 5th weighing 7lbs 11.8oz and measuring 20 inches long.  She did lose 10oz of weight while in the hospital but she is slowly going back up.  WE LOVE HER TO PIECES!!!

Tomorrow is my DUE date

Well as of tomorrow I will be 40 weeks pregnant and I am so ready to meet this little girl.  Sadly she doesn't seem very ready to come out and greet the world.  I am not really having any signs of labor other than a few twinges here and there ... Absolutely nothing consistent by any means.  

I think I can say that I am ready for her though.  Her room is 99.9% done and will be 100% done by the end of the night. Only thing left to get/put up is her curtains and the cushions on the rocking chair.  I am getting them hand made by a friend of mine and will be picking them up tonight.

One end of her room is going to be the nursery itself with her bed and clothing and the other end is for now a changing area but as she grows she will have a play room.  For the first little bit though she will be sleeping in our room in the playpen.

I am so ready to see my little girls face even though I'm terrified of the labor process itself lol

My doctor is hoping I go into labor naturally, however, just in case she has scheduled me for an induction on Wednesday, March 5th.  So if by chance I do not go into labor this week/weekend I am to go back for one final check up on March 3 and then if I'm still not in labor I am to call Labor and Delivery on Wednesday the 5 to be sure there is a bed available and then head in for 8:30am.  

I have said since I found out I was pregnant that even though my due date is Feb 26 I don't expect to see this little girl until March 1 and I'm sticking to that!! I hope the next time I post on here she will be here :-)

Once she is here I am going to get back to my weight loss blog with some updates on Ahnika too of course.  But I really can't wait to get back to my journey of becoming a better me. .. It will only help me be there for my little girl for the rest of our lives!!!

30 Days till Due Date

I can not get over how quick this pregnancy has gone.  I have just 30 days left till my due date. I have had such an easy pregnancy with no sickness, no real discomfort until the last few weeks and no medical issues (to date) I do however have one thing that is annoying me, and that is that my doctor is adamant that me being over weight is going to cause me to have gestational diabetes.

Some back history to help explain why I'm so frustrated with this.

I have been checked for normal diabetes my entire life.  Each time they do a blood draw (A1C) my 14 day average for blood sugar levels comes back as 5.1 which is near perfect.  Right at my very first doctors appointment Dr Abel told me to go on Metformin 3 times a day to help regulate my blood sugars (without ever testing me) I did what she asked for a few weeks but noticed if I took all 3 I would get extremely light headed by mid/late afternoon and after getting my blood sugars tested by a friend who is diabetic found out my sugars were dropping too low.  So I cut myself back to 2 a day and still found that they were dropping too low. I slowly stopped taking the Metformin all together and felt amazing.

I was sent for the first gestational diabetes test at 28 weeks and my levels came back at only 4.6 which is fantastic seeing as the cut off is normally 7.8 before you are sent for the longer test so I was very excited to see I was doing fine even without the Metformin.

Sadly at my last appointment (35 weeks) Dr Abel said she wanted me to be sent for the second, longer, glucose tolerance test which is 2hrs in length because she thinks I might have developed Gestational Diabetes late in the pregnancy.   Now she says this without ever doing any other blood tests, just by measuring the size of the baby and my being  over weight in general.  (Also note I had only gained 30lbs by my 35th week of pregnancy which is fantastic seeing as I started out overweight)

I am very frustrated with people stereotyping me because of my weight.  I am in good health 99% of the time.  The medical issues I do have do not have ANYTHING to do with being over weight.  They are issues that would be there whether I was ideal weight or not.

So because of this "stereotyping" I am now heading to get an Ultrasound done tomorrow to see how big Miss Ahnika is getting as well as the 2hr Blood Glucose tolerance test on Wed morning.